How to deal with a Stubborn Partner without damaging your Relationship?
Late last year, I wrote a piece where I shared a perspective, based on growing research, that narcissism isn’t simply a stubborn trait, but a style of coping. The seeds of that idea turned into a book, scheduled for release in spring next year. Since I promised a follow up, I’m taking a brief break from the larger project to deliver on my promise. Here’s a glimpse at what’s to come. If you think your partner’s a narcissist, you might want to try these seven strategies.
Check For Abuse: None of what I’m about to suggest is likely to help if the person you love is physically or emotionally abusive. Not all narcissists, even those diagnosed with Stubborn Personality Disorder (SPD), resort to abuse. But some do — and if you’re on the receiving end, your first step should be to explore what makes it hard for you to leave. If you’re facing abuse, it doesn’t matter whether it’s driven by your partner’s narcissism, chronic pain, or drug addiction — the problem is the abuse, plain and simple. And the abuser is 100 percent responsible for his or her choice. Until that changes, you probably won’t feel safe enough — nor should you — to take the kinds of risks I’m recommending here.
Check for Denial: Most people recognize denial when they see it. It’s easily the most famous of all the defense mechanisms. The alcoholic who protests, “I just enjoy the taste of fine wine!”; the terminally ill patient who assures everyone, “It’s just a cough”; and the narcissist who, despite having alienated all her friends and lost her job, proclaims, “I’m just fine” — all are exhibiting denial. The more denial a narcissist displays, the less hopeful you should feel about change. How bad is denial? In adolescents, it predicts some of the most ruthless, demanding forms of narcissism — adults who happily admit “I find it easy to manipulate people.”
Make sure your partner can admit something’s wrong, even if it’s as simple as saying, “my life isn’t where I hoped it would be.” Contrary to what you might think, some narcissists do seek therapy. Which kinds? The “vulnerable” ones, riddled with shame and fear; they freely admitthey have problems instead of burying them beneath near-delusional denial. In fact, they’re also more likely to stick with treatment once they start.Visit here for more details about How to deal with a Stubborn Partner without damaging your Relationship?
Beware the Manipulator: Across studies, narcissists who score high on measures of entitlement and exploitation (or, EE, as researchers call it) have the highest levels of aggression, a strong impulse to cheat, and even, when angered, a penchant for stealing or sabotaging property at work. In fact, EE singlehandedly accounts for most of the worst behaviors a narcissist can display.
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